When Should I Give My Kid a Phone? Parental Controls, Family Tech Agreements, and Other Key Considerations

Studies show that 59% of parents worry about their child spending too much time on their devices (Pew Research Center, 2022)

Deciding when to give your child their first phone can be a challenging yet important milestone. It’s a decision that varies for every family and should be made with careful consideration. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, as it depends on your family values, your child’s maturity, and the communication and trust you’ve established with them.

Below are some key factors to help guide you in making this decision:

1. Consider your child’s age and maturity

   
   While there’s no specific age to give your child a phone, emotional maturity is a critical factor. A child should be able to handle the responsibility that comes with having a phone, such as caring for the device, managing its usage, and following any established family tech rules. According to a 2023 Common Sense Media report, 42% of children have a smartphone by age 10, and this number rises to 71% by age 12. If your child can manage their time well, make thoughtful decisions, and take responsibility for their actions, they may be ready for a phone.

2. Think about how getting this device for your child links back to your family values
   

   Consider how technology fits into your family’s lifestyle. If your household places a strong emphasis on academics, physical activity, or face-to-face interactions, you’ll want to evaluate how a phone aligns with these values. Have a discussion with your child about why they want a phone and whether it complements the family values you hold dear.

3. Discuss Parental Controls and Settings

   Built-in parental controls allow parents to limit screen time, restrict access to certain apps and websites, and monitor phone activity.  Parental controls come in many forms nowadays - most likely the phone you are thinking about giving to your child already has some pre-set options in “Settings” - but you may also need to manually enable parental controls for each app or website your child has access to via their device. First, consider your options for parental controls for your child’s device and the apps or websites they’ll be using on their device. Make sure you make time to introduce the topic of parental controls to your child in a way that underlines the importance of their safety as well as respect for their privacy.

4. Open the “your first phone” discussion with your child by allowing them to generate their own ideas first

   Instead of sitting your child down and telling them what you have decided - without their input! - about how they should use their new phone, try flipping the script and asking your child “How do you think you’re going to use your phone?” Let them run through some of their responses to this question and build from there as a group brainstorm. You can introduce some of your ideas in the brainstorm as questions like “What do you think about…” or “Would [using your phone like this or that] be helpful/safe?” Using thus method, discuss with your child how they will use the phone and for what purpose—i.e. Communication, learning, or entertainment. Talking about the positives, like staying connected with friends, as well as the potential risks, such as exposure to inappropriate content or cyberbullying.

5. Remember: you have to role model the same (or reasonably similar) behavior with your own device

   
   As a parent, it’s essential to lead by example. Children often mimic adult behaviors, so setting an example of responsible phone usage is key. Limit your own screen time, especially during family activities, meals, and conversations. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children whose parents have high screen time are more likely to exceed recommended limits themselves.

6. Prioritise trust and set proportionate disciplinary responses

   
   While it may seem easiest to set up black and white rules (like a list of do’s and don’ts), this may lead to your child hiding things from you when they “break a rule” because they’re afraid of getting grounded, or fear a strong disciplinary response from you. Your child should feel that they can come to you when something goes wrong (or when they see something upsetting on their device or someone else’s), as this can be the difference between a simple mistake or something that snowballs into a much larger emotional (or cybersafety) problem. While you can establish clear boundaries about phone usage (like rules around screen time, the types of apps they can use, and when they should have the phone), make sure your child understands that these rules are in place to keep them safe and help them make responsible choices and emphasise that you will not be upset if something goes wrong with the rules.

Sources:

• American Academy of Pediatrics (www.aap.org)

• Common Sense Media (www.commonsensemedia.org)

• Pew Research Center (www.pewresearch.org)