how to monitor or mediate your child's online activity
What’s the difference between “mediating” and “monitoring”? How parents can start constructively mediating their children's online activity.
Parental monitoring of their kids’ online activity refers to how parents keep track of, restrict, and guide their child's use of technology using online tools, while parental mediation of a kid’s online activity refers to the ways parents influence their children's use of digital media.
Traditionally, online safety has focused on reducing risks such as bullying, exposure to harmful content, online predators, and commercial scams. However, online risks do not always lead to harm, and digital media can also provide benefits like learning opportunities, social connections, and civic engagement. How can we distinguish when an online experience turns into a risk rather than a learning experience?
Why Move to a Mediating Mindset?
Moving from a “monitoring” mindset to one of “mediating” your child’s media usage can help you (and your older kids) learn how to distinguish between learning experiences and high risk situations in online settings. Focusing on mediating (in addition to keeping key parental controls in place) also helps you role model good online decision-making and critical thinking to your kids and invites them to start thinking holistically about their own decision-making when it comes to digital interactions.
Parents mediate in different ways, balancing social and technical strategies. Social mediation includes active discussions and engagement, while technical mediation involves monitoring and restricting access through parental controls. These strategies can be enabling (guiding children’s use while allowing freedom) or restrictive (setting strict rules or using controls).
Does this mean “no rules”? No.
Does using a mediating mindset when it comes to technology replace rules? Nope. It’s all about a balance and finding what works for your child’s particular personality and matches with your family’s media or tech usage plan.
The big con of using only rules: research shows that heavy restrictions reduce risk but also limit learning and social opportunities; in a world where kids are surrounded by digital devices, it isn’t pragmatic to try to “protect” them by isolating from building decision-making opportunities. On the other hand, active parental mediation, such as discussing media content and monitoring interactions, is linked to better outcomes.
Note that parental mediation does not fully eliminate online risks - it’s simply a longer-term investment in your child’s individual ability to navigate the online world as they get older and start using tech without your presence.
Additional considerations
Before you start rolling back your monitoring tools, think carefully about your own digital engagement and if you can role model positive habits and decision-making online. (For instance, if you think you are struggling with your own personal boundaries with tech or are addicted to your phone, it’s probably best to handle this as best you can, or develop language about your choices that you can stand by when talking to your child so that you are consistent in your mediation with them.)
Ultimately, the best approach is a combination of strategies that balance risk reduction with opportunities for learning and engagement.
References:
Blum-Ross, A. and S. Livingstone (2016) Families and screen time: Current advice and emerging research. Media Policy Brief 17. London: Media Policy Project, London School of Economics and Political Science.
